Monday, November 30, 2009

diet blog #2

Today was my first day of my new life change :]
it was kind of hard because I was hungry most of the time!
I'm planning to eat 6-8 small meals a day.

So, the things I ate today are....
1) 1 banana, 1/2 grapefruit, 1 cup green tea
2) 1/2 avocado, small handful of sliced raw almonds, 5 dried apricots, 5 baby carrots
3) handful of sliced raw almonds
4) handful of cherry tomatoes
5) 1/2 grapefruit, salad, chunk of steamed kabocha
6) 1 apple

I didn't eat much today..which is a VERY BAD thing for me.
My stomach started to hurt too, so I don't know if it was something I ate or if I'm not eating enough..
My friend sent me the brochure, so I'm going to try and follow it and see if things get better from there.

I just hope I don't faint, or my parents are forever going to ban me from dieting.

Exercise: I'm going to try and fit it in while I finish writing my paper and homework. I'm not going to push myself to work out until after finals...

new diet blog #1: it's not a's a life change!!


I'm starting my diet...AGAIN!!
It's probably my millionth time going on a diet, but I feel more motivated to go on this diet until I reach my goal.

Current weight: 163 lbs
Goal weight: 115-125/130ish lbs
It might seem much because of my height, but I don't think it'll look bad, but I won't know until I try (for those who don't know, I'm 5'10")

I started dieting since I was in 7th grade.
I would starve myself or eat less of the wrong foods. I also started playing basketball and volleyball with my friends. After practices, I would go for the junk food that would be lying around in my house. I regret starving myself because as a result, I lost my hair and now have thin hair. I want thick, luscious hair that all girls should have! I've done a lot of diets...I kind of became addicted to herbal medicine because that helped me to control my hunger and portion size, but I became to reliant on it. I have to and I want to use my mind to control my body. I want to develop my mind to be stronger.

My parents buy us whatever food we want to eat, good or bad. I'm thankful my parents never told me that I was fat like other parents, typically Asian parents, out there. But I wished they were responsible healthy eaters.

I have decided to change that.

I have a nine year old brother and he eats less of the healthy stuff and more of the fatty stuff. I just saw him eat 3-4 chocopies!! >_< (FYI: chocopies are little cakes with marshmallow in the middle and it's covered in it's like a mooncakes) He's pretty...chubby, but my parents let him eat because it'll go to his height anyways. Genetically, my family on both sides are tall, but my brother and I are taller than my parents so I have a good feeling the youngest is going to be tall too. I make him go outside and play, so he can get his daily exercise. Once he's in middle school, I'm going to make him play football and basketball. And I'm going to teach him how to eat right. I told my mom not to buy junk, but she does anyways..sometimes my parents are very unreliable -___-

My other brother....he doesn't eat before going to school. I think he starves himself until he comes home or after classes. He buys fast food most of the time if he has the money. But he has a big plate full of food and he eats constantly. He's still skinny though...I hate guys for that. They eat and eat and eat, but don't gain a single pound >_< My brother exercises one a week, but I wish he would do more. He said he wants to build muscle mass so he eats a lot, but he's not eating the right foods to reach his goal. But I'm not too worried about him..I just want him to eat better.

I'm going to miss Korean food!!! For the next three months or so, I'm going to limit my food to raw fruits and vegetables, salads, protein: chicken breast and eggs, raw nuts, yogurt, and green tea. And of course WATER. I did this before for the pageant, and it wasn't that bad. I had more energy and I felt really good. There's also this rice protein powder thing that is part of this diet called the elimination diet. My friend said that it helps prevent you from gaining weight once you gradually start to eat other stuff. I hope it tastes good because most protein drinks are nasty..

For the first two weeks, I'm only going to eat raw fruits and vegetables and nuts (or at least try too..I need my protein!!) I'm going to exercise too, but for the first week I can't because I have finals coming up, and I really need the time to study because I didn't study during fall break..unfortunately -___-
But after that, I'm going to workout at the gym: an hour of fast paced walking on an incline, an hour on the elliptical machine, and 30 minutes on the stair master machine. I don't lift weights at the gym because I don't want people to look at me do it...I feel really stupid because I don't know how to use any of the machines, so until I have the confidence to lift weights at the gym, I'm going to do an DVD workout that uses both my body weights and dumbells.

I found a good's
It has a lot of workouts, has a lot of information too.
I also found a book called The Eat-Clean Diet: Fast Fat Loss That Lasts Forever by Tosca Reno. I haven't read it yet, but I heard some great reviews on it.

The word 'diet' sounds as if I HAVE to lose this weight. It feels like an obligation rather than a daily unconscious routine like brushing my teeth everyday. I forever hate the word diet so, I found a new motto: It's not a diet...It's a life change
It really is a life change. You're changing to became a healthy, good looking person.
I also learned that there are NO SHORTCUTS!! I've tried diet pills to lose weight, but they didn't really do anything for me. I felt really...weird?? Caffeine makes me feel weird, so I can't drink coffee and take diet pills. You shouldn't take diet pills anyways. My aunt took A LOT to lose weight, but she had pregnancy problems. We can't always rely on diet pills. It's just a waste of money in the first place. So, if you're taking diet pills or thinking of taking them....DON'T. Unless you want to screw up your health even more. Again, I know from experience.

Even thought my parents and friends did not care about my weight, the world around me did. I would frequently go to Korea, and I could hear people say things about me. Little kids would tell me I'm fat. The media told me I was fat. People at school looked at me and I would walk as fast as I could to my next class, or I would hide myself so people would not see me. Some of my "friends" gave me nicknames like greasy french fries (those punks!! if I ever see them again!!! *shakes fist* >_<)
But recently, I learned to not care about what people think about me. I just don't care. It's not like I'm going to meet that person again in my life. Even though I say this, I want to change the way I eat. I'm not happy with it, and I want to be fit. I want to be able to climb 5 floors of stairs without losing my breath. (even walking up the stairs at church wears me out a bit...and that's very pathetic) I want to run. I'm not a runner, but I want to be. I want to run in a half-marathon and a marathon. I want to be able to wear pretty, girly clothes. I want to be able to wear shorts and skirts and dresses without having to cover my legs.

I've waited long enough.
No more excuses. No more waiting. No more being depressed. No more being lazy.

Wish me luck!!!

Friday, November 27, 2009


Thanksgiving dinner was great!!
My family wasn't planning on making dinner, but we did..
My mom bought two for us and one for one of my "aunts" because she always makes us food
It was tiny compared to what we usually get, but it was cheap and good haha

here's the picture of the turkey
it's stuffed with stuffing...
instead of baking it in the oven like we usually do, my mom marinated it and cooked it in a big pot on the stove.
It cooks faster and it tastes better.

this is all the food we bean casserole, corn, candied yams, mashed potatoes, dinner rolls, salad, cranberry sauce, ham, gravy, stuffing, pumpkin bread cake, German chocolate cake (not in the picture because my brother didn't finish baking it) and.......i think that's it. (my phone does no justice!! I need to get a digital camera ASAP!!)

this is my plate full of food!!!!
I was so full! My brother gave me a slice of cake..I was so full and couldn't take another bite, but I don't like wasting food once it's cut, so I ate it...very SLOWLY.

but I'm thankful for God, family and friends..ALWAYS!!!
I'm also thankful for God blessing us with all this great food in this....lame and crappy economy -__-

The whole day I watched movies while cooking. I went to McDonald's to rent DVDs from the redbox. I rented Transformers 2, G.I. Joe, and Star Trek. I watched Forbidden Kingdom too.

I wish I could spend all my days like yesterday..sigh hahaha

but I love G.I. Joe!!!! Best movie ever!! Lee Byung Hun's English is so good! I was very impressed. I love him on Iris too..the movie is on my Christmas wishlist now hahaha.

I want to watch Ninja Assassin and see how good Rain's English is..


I just ate Thanksgiving leftovers..YUM!!!!
and I'm full again and a little bit sleepy, but I should go work out...I have to go work out..if only I had the motivation to go -____-

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Life and happiness

I feel like my life is going down the drain..
Yes, I have a job, I go to school, have an awesome family and friends
but I feel like it's not enough.
I don't know what career path I want to choose.
My family, being the Asians that they are (-__-), always told me to be a doctor or a dentist or an English teacher. Sure, I really like learning about those things, but I don't know if it's right for me.
I've always did my best to meet my family's expectations.
I never had the chance to think of what I wanted, so I do not know what I want.
I don't want to be stuck in that hole, but it's hard for me to get out.
I want to do something I want, but my parents are getting in my fucking way and it pisses me off.
I never know what to do and I hate it. I don't know how to make decisions for myself.

I always dreamed of become a model because of my tall height, but it's not happening because of my weight and not everyone survives in that industry. I love fashion, but I decided to turn it into a hobby instead..

I don't think I've every experienced true happiness before in my life.
Growing up, I have always been told I was fat. People called me names, looked at me with the 'OMG look at her' face, made fun of me, and I could hear them talk about me. I sometimes I feel like I'm socially awkward because I don't feel like I'm saying the right thing at the right time. So, I just stay quiet most of the time. Recently, a lot of people have been telling me that I'm pretty and I don't need to lose weight. It's very uncomfortable for me to hear those things because I don't believe any of that stuff. I have no trust in those words. I'm trying to tell my stuff that everyday, but it's not an easy thing to do after constant years of hearing negative things. I've done many diets, I started playing sports, I even starved myself. As a result, I have poor health and thin hair...I REALLY regret it. I hate how girls these days say how fat they are when they have nothing on them. But, it makes me a hypocrite when I do the things I tell girls not to do. I guess I have an addiction/obsessions with diets/losing weight...I don't know when I'll ever be happy for who I am.

I'm a really devoted Christian and I really love God, but I feel like I'm not getting it deep down. Everything is on the surface for me. Sigh...I really don't know what I'm sayin, but....I don't know. I can't live life like this because it's very frustrating and it pisses me off.
I want to make a difference in this world, but I don't know what.
What is a person like me supposed to do?

What does it feel like to be truly happy?
Am I happy? Yes, but only on the surface I guess...

What makes you happy? What makes you want to live life?

Thursday, November 19, 2009

diet...FAIL, new job, and...possible giveaway??

So, I said I was going on a diet, but it failed miserably..AGAIN!
It's almost Thanksgiving, and we're having this huge lunch at church Sunday so I'm going to start Monday.
FOR REAL this time..
There should be a punishment or something whenever I don't follow it...
Is there anyone who wants to do it together?
I think I put this on the post before, but I'm doing an elimination diet.
For two weeks, I'm going to eat vegetables and fruit only..I might add protein because I need my nutrients for my too tall body haha
Then after that I'll be adding wheat, dairy, etc to see if I'm allergic to anything
and of course, EXERCISE!!!
Anyone have any success with dieting?? I'd like to know if you do!! It would be great motivation for me :]

I also got a job!!!
I start training tomorrow! I'm so excited!
I'm got a job at a UPS store.
My mom found an ad in the Korean newspaper and she called.
The owner asked me to come in yesterday, so my mom and I went to see her.
I thought I have seen the owner before...but we talked and she asked me what church I go to. I told her I go to New Gate and she told me that she's a mom of one of the kids in youth!!
I remembered her when she told me.
I saw her when she came in with her son. Denver is such a small place..everyone who lives in Denver knows almost everyone....
It's a small small world
My brother wants to work there too, but I told him to find another job because he keeps following me!! First, school and now work..NO THANK YOU! It's enough that I see him at home..geesh hahaha

11 followers!!! :D
I know it's not a lot, but it's a lot for a start!
I'm very excited hahaha.
I'm thinking of doing a giveaway..keyword thinking.
So look out!!!

Friday, November 13, 2009

diet blog #1

I am back on the same diet plan that I was on when I was losing weight for Miss Korea Denver pageant.
but, I don't think I'll be able to exercise as much as I did before...
hopefully I'll lost most of my weight as soon as possible.

I decided to write everything down, so I can track my process....

So for today, I don't want to write down what I ate because it was all the stuff I SHOULDN'T have eaten..
but I did exercised for an hour and 30-35 minutes..
First, I walked on the treadmill for an hour and then did the rest of the time on the elliptical.
I'm going to start weight training and yoga later on to tone my body.

My goal is to be 130 lbs..hopefully by the time I turn 21, or summer. I think summer is more reasonable.
My friend and I decided to go to a water park or something in a bikini, whether we lost weight or not.
I cannot and definitely will NOT go to there with a bikini on in this current body.
So, I MUST work out and do the best I can!!

Current weight: 160 ish....very embarrasing -___- (it's healthy for being tall, but I really feel healthier without all the weight..all this weight is pulling me down!! ugh)
Goal: 130 lb

Goodbye my lovely sweet desserts and candy and cakes and bread and pasta and all the bad stuff!! T_T

another new favorite: Big Bang -- 声を聴かせて (Let me hear your voice)

Saturday, November 7, 2009

cam-whoring and new favorite song

Yesterday, I took some pictures before going to a joint birthday celebration.
i thought I was running late, but I remembered that I forgot to changed my clock..darn daylight savings!! I'm too lazy to change it! hahaha
I had a lot of time to kill, so I took pictures..and I only picked my favorite ones
(the quality is bad because I used my phone...I really need to get a camera this year -__-)

I love this song by Park Bom..You and I

No matter what happens
Even when the sky is falling down
I’ll promise you
That I’ll never let you go


You naega sseureojilddae
Jeoldae heundeullimeopsi
Ganghan nunbicheuro
Myeotbeonigo nal ileukyeojweo

And you, na himae gyeoulddae
Seulpeumeul byeolang kkeutkkaji ddo akkimeopsi
Chajawa du son japeun geudaeyegae


Nan haejoongae eopneundae
Chorahan najiman
Oneul geudae wihae i norae booleoyo
Tonight geudaeye du noonae
Geu miso dwiae nalwihae gamchweowatdeon

You and I together
It just feels so right
Ibyuliran maleulhaedo
Geu nuga mweorahaedo nan geudael jikilgae

You and I together
Nae du soneul nochijima
Annyoungiran maleun haedo
Naegae i saesangeun ojik neo hanagiae

You maneun sarangcheoreom
Oori sarang yeokshi jogeumssik byunhagaetjyo
Hajiman jaebal seulpeo malayo
Oraen chinhan chingu cheoreom
Namaneul mideulsuitgae gidaelsuitgae
I promise you that I’ll be right here, baby

Nan haejoongae eopneundae
Chorahan najiman
Oneul geudae wihae i norae booleoyo
Tonight geudaeye du noonae
Geu miso dwiae nalwihae gamchweowatdeon

You and I together
Nae du soneul nochijima
Annyoungiran maleun haedo
Naegae i saesangeun ojik neo hanagiae

Waeroun bami chajaolddaen
Na salmyeosi nooneul gamayo
Geudaeye soomgyeoli nal aneulddae
Mueotdo duryeopji anjyo
E saesang geu eoddeon nugudo
Geudaereul daeshin halsueopjyo
You are the only one
And I’ll be there for you, baby

You and I together
It just feels so right
Ibyeoliran maleulhaedo
Geu nuga mweorahaedo nan geudael jikilgae

You and I together
Nae du soneul nochijima
Annyoungiran maleunhaedo
Naegae i saesangeun ojik neo hanagiae

Just you and I
Forever and ever

No matter what happens
Even when the sky is falling down
I’ll promise you
That I’ll never let you go


You, When I fell
you held me back up with an unfaltering gaze

And You, through those sad times
held my hands till the end of the world

I might be a shabby person who has never done anything for you
But today, I am singing this song just for you
Tonight, within those two eyes and a smile
I can see the pains from protecting me
You and I together. It’s just feels so right
Even though i bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you
You and I together, don’t ever let go of my hands
even though i bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you

Our love has changed a bit by bit just like others
But don’t be sad
Hopefully I will be someone who you can trust like an old friend
and someone you can lean onto
I promise you that I’m be right here baby

I might be a shabby person who has never done anything for you
But today, I am singing this song just for you
Tonight, within those two eyes
and smile I can see the pains from protecting me
You and I together. It’s just feels so right
Even though i bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you
You and I together, don’t ever let go of my hands
even though i bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you

I close my eyes lightly whenever I feel lonely again
I no longer fear when your breath holds me
No one in the world can replace you
You are the only one in I’ll be there for you baby

You and I together, It’s just feels so right
Even though i bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you
You and I together, don’t ever let go my hands
even though i bid you goodbye, to me this world is just you

Just you and I
Forever and ever..

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Guy's Appreciation Day and Holyween

I've been so busy lately because of school, but I found some time to post today :]

On Friday (October 30th), it was Brother's Appreciation Day at church.
It was a classy 50's theme, so all the girls had to wear black slacks with a white or black button up shirt and suspenders or vest.
I had so much trouble looking for a white button up collar shirt, but luckily I found a cheap one at Target.
It took me almost 4-5 hours to look for one too -___-
I thought Ross had one, but NO!

I got to church by 4 and everyone was decorating and writing short letters to all the guys.
15-20 minutes before the guys came, we practiced our dance that we prepared for the guys too.
Some guys started to comer earlier than expected, so we had to lock the door and leave them out in the cold.
Not really a way of appreciating the brother's, but the event didn't start yet so it didn't count.

We let them in at 7 and the event started.
Our chef of the church cooked the whole dinner with some help of the other girls.
The menu looked so good! We only got to eat the chicken though, but it was good :]

Appetizer: salad
Main: Steak with caramelized onions, chicken baked in lemon and orange citrus type of sauce, asparagus, and red potatoes
Dessert: White cake with chocolate dipped strawberries and chocolate whip cream

I wish I could have taken pictures during the event, but I was too busy serving...

We danced during the main course, and gave each of them an award during dessert.
At the end, the guys came back in with roses for all of the girls.
It was a big surprise and very cute! :]
The boys never fail to impress me ^^

I stole some pictures from my friend hehe...(i really need to get a camera -__-)

table i served

On Halloween, I went to church by 4 to help set up before the kids arrived.
The party started at 7 and I was surprised a good amount of kids came.
We had games everywhere downstairs, had dodgeball upstairs, and food in the cafeteria.
Afterwards, I dropped off my youngest brother home, and by the time I got back, everything was cleaned up! I couldn't believe how fast they could clean hahaha
All of us were hungry, so we all rushed upstairs to eat the remaining pizza.
Some other people and I wanted Chipotle, so we rushed over there before it closed because it's free!!
Free food is always a must and they're always good :D

my brother in a penguin suit


we tried to take a picture when we were in the air...we did it like 7 times and still failed


alice in wonderland doll and clown

rock star

street fighter, polar bear, prom queen



penguin, wolverine
clown, cow

i was going to be a nerd, but i changed my mind and became a gangster but i changed my mind and was a boy, but I turned out to be all three in one

There was a Mickey Mouse, Snow White, police officer, cat, two nerds, Tae Yang, TOP, Little Red Riding Hood, a cowgirl, and a moose. I think that's all of us..
The little kids were really cute!! too bad I didn't have a camera to take pictures :[

"costume" for chipotle..i just added foil to my glasses haha 
this is what I wore on Brother's Appreciation day

sorry for the long post guys ^^;;